Saturday, May 23, 2009

My Blogs on Yahoo 360 ...

No More


Back again after such a long time. Its maybe one or two months since my last blog entry. Bunch of new things have happened but lets continue the last blog. Hope the time and my works are arranged in a way that i can compose more updated blogs here.

The last stand of my inner arrogance. It was defeated by a force of outer attraction. Attraction towards what? Towards not being alone would be the best match to solve the confusion equation. After struggling so much for days, it just came by itself. people always told me, the right time will come one day, when it has to come. Maybe their predictions turned out to be correct. So many times my fingers touched those telephone buttons, and the calls went through. a couple of times it didn't but still. I'm not supposed to take it in my counting. The fight within still continues however, its much lesser than before. it has maybe changed its shape. Yea, the war between the feelings have a different shape now. How long its gonna last?

Tried to put the past behind me, forget all the bad memories and do this one right. Still working on the foundation though. But yea... Let me say this one. I no longer have that tickling in my mind. At least I'm more confident. I no longer wake up in the morning and think about what I should have had done in the past. At least all my concern is about the future. It really helps. Even if there are some other anxieties accompanying my promise, but its not noticeable in a disturbing way.

But there is still something, a new-shaped problem of the past with no solution yet. Its big. Tried to solve it in the past but I wasn't successful. How to deal with that?

Saturday September 1, 2007 - 10:04am (SGT)



Fight With In


It all started again today when I woke up at 9:07am. That was the first thing struck my mind. It was all the same yesterday. And it will last till the night I'm sure. Unless I can fight it and defeat this thing. is the fight necessary? Do I really have to fight it? Or I just sit in my place and face me being defeated by it? how would it feel? Does it feel nice? Would it be a sweet defeat or a bitter one?

Its just the repeating of a same game I have each time I go to a new place, new time. Now this ego of mine doesn't let me pick up the phone and dial. The same ego which never let me open my mouth before. I don't know how long I'll last with it. Sometime, someone has to break it. That someone could be me but I need some assistance on this. When will they come? Do I have to wait for them? Is that all about? Wait, wait, wait? The fear of doing it alone myself is killing me from the other side. Not brave enough in this case. No no.

Its all because of you. You did it to me when I had no idea of being into it. But I was. I think. I don't if I was or not. What I know now is I don't even know how it tastes. If I knew the taste, maybe I wouldn't have taken that poison again. Or I'd drink it with all the sweetness people say it has and get intoxicated the way I want to, then it wouldn't be bitter anymore. The thing is i don't know how it smells, or tastes, so i can't even say if I have already drunk with it or not! I put all the blame on you, you. Maybe not only you. Maybe myself, my beliefs. The beliefs that made me immune to that poison for some time and I was just a loser all way long, against others of your kind.

But it feels good at times...Not of course the confusion, the feeling of being away form it, just a feeling. hope to never get into it. I'll see how I will deal with the problem of mine. I think I have to spend some braveness on it. In this case. it might work, it might not. But I'd at least say, I tried. Right?...feels better now...haaah.

(Dialing) 0....1.....

Saturday June 30, 2007 - 12:24pm (SGT)


Just feel like a real

Classes started 5 days ago, on 18th June. Still going to classes. My mind is busy as usual. Thinking. So many things happened this week and lately in my life. Understood so many things about life and just feel like being in a real one. Like everyone else. Well not exactly like them....

This world which we live in. I feel like the people never actually believe this world. Nothing is serious, nothing is bothered. Why? Our body bypasses the energies, the life.

Whatever happens is for a reason, humans not only don't bother about their life, but to the advancement of technology too. My concern is more to third world countries in this topic.

So what I think is, maybe i just have to be like them. Maybe that's the real thing that i was looking for...

Saturday June 23, 2007 - 06:15am (SGT)


The Project "Smart"

The Project "Smart" works on the fact that intelligent processors have the ability to get affected by foreign injected feeds. And become unpredictable due to fatal system failure which is because of massive dose fed to them. The system not only affects itself, but also tries to affect the other intelligences.

Details of the project are classified documentary. Please be patient and read the successive posts for more info.

Friday June 1, 2007 - 02:45pm (SGT)


Entry for May 05, 2007

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